God’s Provision in Doubt and Indecision: Why Trusting In Him is Nothing Unique or New—Even For Those Called to Peru

   

Image by Frank Tiemann

For months we had been preparing, praying, talking, getting rid of everything, finding homes for our puppies, and making decisions that would affect the next year of our lives. My wife and I were fully convinced that God was calling us to Peru. Random people were telling us that God wanted to use us to do things in this country. We were excited, nervous, and “ready.”

Yet, just as we were about to purchase our tickets, I got really nervous. The questions and doubts started to come. What if we are wrong? Is this crazy? We don’t even know what God wants us to do down there. Do we have enough money? Where will we live? Would any churches support us so we could live? Would people get tired of donating? Can we bring more than two suitcases?

Usually, I am the strong one. Yet on this occasion, I had never been more fearful of making the wrong mistake. Amanda, (my amazing wife), calmed me down, told me to stop ask questions, and to do what God had called us to do. So we did.

As I read the words of Jesus to the disciples after his resurrection, I can completely relate.

“And he said to them, ‘Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have.’ ” — Luke 24:38-39

I could not believe that He would call us into something that I felt so many others were more worthy to do. I was troubled. I had doubts over the doubts that I was doubting. Although I knew God was calling us, and He was really showing us His hands and feet, and revealing His heart to us, I still doubted.

Even after showing the disciples His hands and feet, they still did not believe Jesus because of “joy and amazement.” When the lightbulb finally went on, the dimmer switch was on the low setting. They were so in shock at the revelation of Jesus they could not believe that their hope, freedom, joy, peace, and eternal life had become true. I can almost imagine the disciples walking around pinching each other, and staring at Jesus, wanting to ask Him to be the pincher, but being too in shock in case it was too good to be true.

Yet it wasn’t too good to be true. He had risen and He ate some broiled fish to prove it.

That is where I find myself quite often in my walk with God. At times I am too amazed, too surprised to fully taken in what He is doing in my life.

On May 17th I jokingly wrote the following Facebook message: “I never really realized how much I loved a dryer until ours broke, and we can’t get a new one. “Justo”- yesterday started winter and all of our hanging clothes are still soaking wet, and now they small like mildew. (Next to fish, that smell is my least favorite smell in the world).” (What makes that even funnier for those living in Lima, is that this year the sea smell has been very strong, and it smells like fish almost all day long).

Shortly thereafter, on my birthday, God began to use newly known brothers and sisters to help provide for something above and beyond our needs. Jesus showed himself through His hands and feet here in this world. My laundry has never been softer. It has never smelled fresher. I find myself walking by the dryer, even petting it a little bit.

I know it is crazy to doubt a God that is so willing to show Himself to us. Unfortunately I do it pretty often. However it is in these moments that God answers those multiple doubts that I had a few days before we bought our plane tickets. Jesus takes our hearts and exposes them before His Father; and His Father says, “I love them. Of course.”

Thank you all for being so willing to be used to help provide. A dryer has never been more appreciated. It is in these little moments, God gives us rest.

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